Questions Parents Should Ask Before Hiring

You have interviewed a promising nanny. Your children warmed to them at the trial meeting, and they handed you the names and numbers of two references from previous families they had worked with. It’s tempting to make a quick, friendly call, hear something reassuring, and move on. However, before you do, you should always prepare some simple questions to help you get a better insight about how your nanny performs under pressure.

At Nannies Matter, we have been placing nannies with discerning families across Surrey, Berkshire, Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire since the early 2000s. We secure and check references on every candidate as a matter of course. Below is exactly what to ask during a reference check call, what a good answer will sound like, and the red flags to note. And if you would rather hand the awkward phone calls to someone who makes them every week, we cover that too.

Why a reference check is more important than the CV

A CV and an interview tell you what a nanny wants you to know. A reference tells you how they actually behaved in a real home. It fills the gaps a polished interview cannot reach: whether they turned up on time on the dark February mornings, how they handled a poorly child and whether the last family would have them back tomorrow.

When sourcing references, aim for at least two to three referees who are not family members, with at least one who worked with the candidate within the past year so the recollection is fresh. A referee who cannot remember basic detail, or who only knew the nanny socially, is of limited use. You want a previous employer who watched them do the job day in, day out.

Questions to ask a nanny's reference

The single best habit, in fact the one thing that separates a useful reference call from a polite exchange, is to ask for specifics and then stay quiet. Resist the urge to lead the referee towards a yes. Instead of "Were they ever late?", ask "How did they handle the mornings they were running behind?" The phrasing presumes nothing is perfect, and the silence that follows is often where the most honest answer arrives.

Group your questions so the conversation flows naturally. The checklist below covers the ground that matters most when checking references for a nanny position.

Employment basics and verification

• How long did the person work for you, and what were the exact dates? (Check these against their CV.)
• What were their hours and main responsibilities?
• What were the ages of the children they cared for?
• Was this a sole-charge or shared-charge role?
• Why did they leave? (It should match what they told you.)

Reliability, communication and feedback

• How did they handle the days they ran late or were off sick, and how often did they take sick or emergency days?
• Were you always kept informed about what happened while they cared for the children?
• How did they respond when you gave them feedback? Can you give an example?
• Did they communicate clearly about routines, meals and the day's events?

Initiative, judgement and difficult situations

• Did they work well independently and use their own initiative?
• Can you describe a time they dealt with an emergency or a difficult situation, such as an injury or a sudden change of plan? How did they manage it?
• Were there areas where they could improve?
• Would you have been comfortable with them driving your children?

And then the closing question, the most revealing one you can ask: would you employ them again?

A warm, immediate "absolutely", or a referee who is keen to recommend them, tells you a great deal. A pause, a qualified answer or a quick change of subject tells you even more. Whatever the answer, give the referee room to expand on it before you move on.

How to review and verify when checking references

Hearing good things is only half the task. You also need to be sure the person on the phone is a genuine former employer and not a friend reading from a script.

Where you can, call a number you have sourced independently rather than relying solely on the one the candidate supplied. Confirm that the family name, the location and the dates line up with the CV. A previous employer should be able to talk freely about the household, the children and the daily routine without hesitation. Vague, over-rehearsed answers are a reason to dig deeper.

A little preparation makes these calls far more useful. Set aside a quiet ten minutes when you will not be interrupted, and keep the candidate's CV in front of you so you can cross-check dates and responsibilities as you go. Open warmly and explain which role you are considering them for before you ask anything pointed. People share far more when the conversation feels like a chat than an interrogation, and an honest referee will tell you more in five relaxed minutes than in twenty guarded ones.

Treat the written reference letter as the starting point and the phone call as the real test. A letter cannot answer a follow-up question, and it cannot let you hear the small hesitation before "would you rehire?" A good referee should be willing to speak by phone for a few minutes. If a candidate can only ever offer letters and never a live conversation, that is worth a polite question or two.

Warning signs to watch for

Most references are straightforward and reassuring. A small number is not, and the differences are usually subtle rather than dramatic. Knowing the warning signs helps you read between the lines.

The clearest warning sign is vague, general praise with not one concrete example behind it. Genuine former employers remember real moments: the school run that went wrong, the birthday the nanny’s quick thinking saved, the way they handled a tantrum in the supermarket. If a referee can offer none of these, that is your signal to slow down. Hesitation around reliability, sole-charge ability or the reason for leaving deserves a gentle follow-up rather than a polite nod.

Other warning signs include a candidate who cannot supply a recent referee, dates that do not match the CV, or a story about why they left that shifts between the interview and the reference call. None of these is automatically disqualifying. Each is a reason to ask another question and listen carefully to the answer before you decide to hire.

Looking beyond the reference: will they fit your home?

A glowing reference confirms a nanny did well in someone else's home. It cannot tell you whether they will be right for you. Family fit is the part no referee can answer for you, and it deserves real thought before you hire.

Consider how this person would slot into your routines: the school runs, homework, mealtimes, screen-time boundaries and the small house rules that matter to you. A nanny who thrived with three energetic primary-age children may not be the obvious match for a quiet baby and a strict nap schedule, however strong their references are. Parenting style alignment counts for a great deal.

A short trial period or a settling-in day is the best way to test fit in practice. Watch how they communicate with your children, how they handle the first wobble, and whether they ask sensible questions about your boundaries and expectations. The reference tells you about their past; the trial tells you about your future together. Our guide to the signs of a perfect-fit nanny for your family and our nanny first day checklist are worth reading when you reach this stage.

How Nannies Matter takes the reference work off your plate

Everything above is doable yourself, and many families do it well. It also takes time, judgement and a few slightly awkward phone calls, which is exactly the part we are happy to take on for you.

When you work with Nannies Matter, the process is director-led from the first conversation. A director meets your family, works through a checklist of what you need, and then shortlists nannies against it. As part of our nanny recruitment process, we request verbal references from each candidate's previous employers, but we always encourage the client to speak to the referee too, for peace of mind. The heavy lifting is ours; the final reassurance is yours.

Every nanny we put forward is also subject to an enhanced DBS check before they are employed, and we meet each candidate face-to-face so we are letting the right person into your home. We probe the same qualities your reference questions are designed to surface: relevant experience, good communication, integrity, honesty, maturity and reliability. The same care goes into every placement, whether you are looking for a live-in nanny, a live-out nanny or a nanny housekeeper. You can read more about how the formal checks fit together in our guide to employing a nanny and the questions worth asking at the nanny interview stage. Families across Surrey, Berkshire, Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire choose us precisely so they do not have to manage all of this alone.

Get in touch

If you would rather skip the legwork and have an experienced agency vet, reference-check and shortlist nannies for you, we would be glad to talk. Tell us about your family, your routines and the role you are trying to fill, and we will find the right person for your needs.

To speak to us about your requirements for a nanny, get in touch today by calling 07736 337065, or send us a message through our contact form and a director will be in touch.